AIM Away Messages

"It is physically impossible to lick your elbow.



Approximately 78% of the people that read this automatically try to lick their elbow afterwards."

"In the kitchen with the knife and Miss Scarlet."

"Be back in a bit i'm launching 3rd graders into orbit. Never underestimate the power of bungee cords."

"In the process of awayness. Feel free to IM me all you wish. My computer is programed to screen out all bozos who have nothing else to do but sit your fat, lazy @$# on the computer all day and chat online instead of walking across the street to talk to my face. Happy typing!"

"I am currently hiding in a corner from the techworld and twitching every now and then. I'll upload all your messages to my PDA using my wireless downloader later while riding my Segway Scooter"

"Darkness called...but I was on the phone so I missed him. I tried to *69 Darkness, but his machine picked up. I yelled "Pick up the phone Darkness!" but he ignored me. Darkness must have been screening his calls. (Warcraft III)"

"This is your public service announcement, brought to you by Lid Rock (which serves shit music compilations atop sugar induced death drinks): is not available to answer your IM for he is getting a life away from this computer. Multitudes of songs, most likely pirated porno soundbytes, are being downloaded to his machine in the meantime. We thank you for taking the time out of your lives to write this loser and hope you conserve time in the future and not waste it ... If desperate to reach him, try his cell. Good day!"

"Dog's are man's best friend, right up until the day that we can train tigers that only eat annoying people."

"monkey ninjas attack! wait....damn it i still havent gotten around to train them, come back in a week"

"Most gnomes are fat and ugly, but this one, this tame little fellow, well he was well respected among the gnome society. He was a wanderer. A wandering mac daddy who preaches da funk."

"Remember, on your California Re-call election ballot, vote (your last name here) for Governor"

"meow"

"bombing for peace is like screwing for virginity while im thinking about this can you just leave a message "

"I'll be back soon. I'm out in the backyard goat farming. Crazy goats."

"Hi I've just kidnapped myself!  If you ever wanna see me again then give me 10,000,000 dollars, or else just leave a message and when someone pays I'll get back to you"

"Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts. Im still tryin to calm him down....ill be back when i succeed.."

"Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses? just something to think about while im gone. later..."

"Aliens have just landed in my back yard. My guess is that they are planning to abduct me. It is likely that they will give me some kind of mind altering drug while I am away on their ship, so I probably won't remember a thing. Could you do me a favor and remind me about this when I get back? I may not believe you at first, just be persistent, even if I start typing in CAPS and calling you bad names. I'll thank you in the end. "

"You can use this to play a little prank:
"Busy
<HR>
<B>(insert your sn here):</B> Back
<B><FONT COLOR=#FF0000>%n:</B> Good. I just wanted to tell you that you are great...
<B>(insert your sn here):</B> Awe you're so nice well g/g
<B><FONT COLOR=#FF0000>%n:</B> Alright bye!
<HR>
<B>Auto Response from (insert your sn here):</B> Out"
Granted you can make it say whatever you would like, this is a harmless little funny one."

"'Oh Marge, roads are just a suggestion...like pants.' -Homer Simpson"

"I'm out trick-or-treating on the highway dressed as a deer."

"HELP! I'm trapped in the toilet, I fell in. Can you please help me. . . Hello. . . Hello. . . Uh-oh I think someone is coming. BRB!"

"Computer:$899
I.S.P.:$25 a month
Instant messaging system: Free
An away message from me: Priceless."

"I'm at the store buying things i don't need. if the creditors call, i'm not home. if you are a creditor, that was just code for: i'm hard at work making money to pay you back. "

"I turned off the monitor so that i could admire my reflection in the black screen."

"Try this mad lib!
Hello, __________ I want to ________ you with a ______________ in the ____________ for ____________ cents. Will you proceed to ___________________________________________________________________________________? Please stop ______________________ with that sharp looking ________________________. Oh yes, please___________________________________________________________________. The end."

"Running from cops... back in 15-life."

"I'm lost. I've gone to look for myself, so if I get back before I return, please ask me to wait."

"Starkle, Starkle, little Twink
Who the hell you are, I think
I'm not under what you call,
the alcofluence of incohol
I'm just a little slort of sheep
I'm not drunk like tinkle peep
I don't know who is me yet,
but the drunker I stand here
the longer I get.
Just give me one more drink
to fill me cup
Cuz I got all day sober
to Sunday up!
"

"a monk walks up to a hot dog vendor: 'i'd like one with everything.' Vendor laughs... 'that will be $3.25' Monk hands him a five. the vendor puts it away, the monk looks at him, 'Where is my change." vendor says: 'change comes from within'"

"Wha color represents me??
Da color red...which has 2 meanings.... It can mean love which i am loving n giving 2 da rite person...
it can also mean evil which im dat 2 if sumbody chooses 2 cross mah path..."

"You know, I don't understand why people feel the need to put up these long, drawn out away messages up. I mean all you really need to do is just put up gone, sleeping, eating, studying, partying. But people just seem to go on and on and on and on with these things. I mean sure, sometimes they are interesting but come on people. It's just basically a waste of time all together! ;)"

"I was thinking about this whole away message thing. Does anyone really care where we are or what we are doing? Is it even really any of their business? Well I'm away. Lets just leave it at that."

"

/`  `.__
\_ _.,  `'-._ _.--.
 _`_  ) |     /  _ \
/   `/ /'---./  / \ \--.___
\__./ /--..    /``-\ '-.___`\

(Me and my blankets with a balloon on top... What were you thinking?!)"

"Soil... Dust... Mud... Mulch... Oh yeah; you love it when I talk dirty to you, don't you?!"

"I can't talk on the computer now, so if, well, actually, I CAN talk on the computer now, I mean, like, I'm at the computer NOW, writing this message, but I'm doing this NOW, while you're reading it LATER, except for you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're reading it... I mean, like, wait, god. This is so confusing. "

"This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is dumbass cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat.
Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top"

"Just because I have a short attention span doesn't mean I..... Are you aware of the discovery in the human body of a nerve that connects the eyeball to the asshole? It is called the anal optic nerve. It is responsible for giving people a sh*tty outlook on life. If you don't believe me, pulla hair from your ass and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye. Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest! Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. Like choking. fact:It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbo"

"Scientists say that one out of every four people are crazy. Go check three of you friends. If they're all ok, then it's you! Congrats!"

"Error 420 : We're sorry but the user you are trying to access is too stoned and/or drunk to answer your IM at this time. Please try again later and maybe he will have run out of weed and alcohol by then and will be able to answer your IM."

"You want to know something pathetic yet funny, You actually taking the time to read my extremely boring message. (thats the pathetic part).the funny part is that I'm sitting in front of the computer screen ...laughing."

"If I promise to miss you will you go away?!"

"Gosh dang it my nose is running again... I'm out to go catch it... if it comes back before I do please tell me!! Thanks!"

"I never thought running into a wall would hurt as much as it did, but here I am, lying in a pool of my own blood in a coma. Im hoping that my faithful penguin will send for help. Last time this happened he just took my shoes and wallet and went and saw "INSERT MOVIE TITLE". I still dont know if he liked it, everytime i ask him he calls me a "INSTERT NAME" and throws ice cubes at me"

"I'm here but I can't seem to locate the "I'm Back" button on my away message box. Leave a message and hopefully I'll find it soon."

"if u were stranded on a deserted island and could only bring 1 thing, wut would u bring? 4 those of u who didnt say a boat, i dont think i'll be talkin 2 u anytime soon. 4 tha rest of u, feel free 2 leave a message..."

"How to be FAB AND GLAM 101 by Drs. Amber & Noelle: Amber: no shame here....yes I am going to school to get an education, but hopefully I wont have to use too much of that education b/c all I will have to know how to do is sign my name, smile for the cameras, and.....well....say.....You take American Express, right? its true though.....i have no problem staying home and spending his money...I mean.....i would still use some of my education... 1) Economics: the supply and demand curve- I demand Gucci, you supply it. 2) History: knowing the history of a good designer that makes quality clothing at outrageous prices is all i need to know.... 3) Math: Gucci + Prada + Versace= happy Amber..... 4) Sociology: the study of what makes people happy..and in my case, its cashflow"

"He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, 'Dust to dust,' some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others, 'I'll be waiting for you in heaven--with a gun.'"

"Hey %n I am at my playboy shoot right now, but when I finish washing off all the body oil, I'll talk to you, but for now, just keep on dreaming of me..."

"I go online looking at my hotmail........ you go online looking for HOT MALES!"

"Ahhh! MOO! The evil cows are attacking me! MOO! Cant you hear them?! MOOOOOOOO..."

"The average Male sperm whale releases 320 gallons of Semen everytime it unloads, but only 20 gallons actually makes it into it's mate. Which leaves 300 gallons to spill into the ocean...... And you wonder why the water is so salty !!!"

"I'm lost. I've gone to look for myself, so if I get back before I return, please ask me to wait."

"I'm very busy doing something much interesting than talking to you. Sitting in closets, and driving nails into my head, is actually more entertaining then listening to you whine and complain about your pathetic existance. No one cares about your siginificant other, the fact that you're a moron, or what color you should paint your nails next. GO AWAY!!!! I don't care!!!!!!"